High Heals & Martini-Poetry

Fade In...
On our love,
The story that always aims for misery.
Shall I die this week and we divorce next.
That morning wasn't suppose to be written that way,
and it continued to unfold wrong.
Did I really choice to let us join,
When you can see we aren't.
Is it really worth your sadness,
as the picture of our love,
Fade Out...

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Present for you:
Imagine prisoners, who have been chained since diapers deep inside a cave: not only are their limbs immobilized by the chains; their heads are chained as well, so that their gaze is fixed on a wall.
Behind the prisoners is an enormous fire, and between the fire and the prisoners is a raised walkway, along which statues of various animals, plants, and other things are carried by people. The statues cast shadows on the wall, and the prisoners watch these shadows. When one of the statue-carriers speaks, an echo against the wall causes the prisoners to believe that the words come from the shadows.
The prisoners engage in what appears to us to be a game: naming the shapes as they come by. This, however, is the only reality that they know, even though they are seeing merely shadows of images. They are thus conditioned to judge the quality of one another by their skill in quickly naming the shapes and dislike those who begin to play poorly.
Suppose a prisoner is released and compelled to stand up and turn around. At that moment his eyes will be blinded by the firelight, and the shapes passing will appear less real than their shadows.
Similarly, if he is dragged up out of the cave into the sunlight, his eyes will be so blinded that he will not be able to see anything. At first, he will be able to see darker shapes such as shadows and, only later, brighter and brighter objects.
The last object he would be able to see is the sun, which, in time, he would learn to see as that object which provides the seasons and the courses of the year, presides over all things in the visible region, and is in some way the cause of all these things that he has seen.
Once enlightened, so to speak, the freed prisoner would not want to return to the cave to free "his fellow bondsmen," but would be compelled to do so. Another problem lies in the other prisoners not wanting to be freed: descending back into the cave would require that the freed prisoner's eyes adjust again, and for a time, he would be one of the ones identifying shapes on the wall. His eyes would be swamped by the darkness, and would take time to become acclimated. Therefore, he would not be able to identify shapes on the wall as well as the other prisoners, making it seem as if his being taken to the surface completely ruined his eyesight. (The Republic bk. VII, 516b-c; trans. Paul Shorey).
Reference: http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Allegory_of_the_cave
Whole Story: http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~dee/GREECE/ALLEGORY.HTM

For my father: http://www.biblepath.com/beatitudes.html or http://www.lifeofchrist.com/teachings/sermons/mount/beatitudes.asp

Wonderful Outlandish Wilds

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R69nV4HOaE
If hate the music, enjoy the story; if you hate the story, enjoy the music; if love both, we are ment; if you hate both, you are not ment.
So, I want to be Arthas (ie the new linch king). As the story line goes, you kill the old linch king, you become the new linch king. So, I want to be Arthas.

Times that won't be useful

Smoking backscratchers for Friday. 4-day Saturday on a Wednesday. Looking at lilies through a frozen windows. Voice activated prepaid difference. Interns For Sale: on the back of website.

Laughing

So, I'm on my old laptop for the weekend. It's interesting. I've haven't been on it in over a year. Been using a desktop. The odd part is it's like it's an old part of my soul is in it. It's like opening a closed door of me. Like opening up me from even 4yrs ago. Well, the funny thing is that after updating my I-tunes, I went to listening my music. Actually one artist that I've been listening to on the desk top. And guess what my laptop did. It giggled at me. I started listening to James Blunt, and first song, and went to straight giggle. Why if I went and read my new blog, it would giggle and be amused. But it does declare this blog to be so much more easier that a real website. I logged in, and walked right into writing. No, copy-paste link to link and open new file and go here, and then after all that I get to write. No, I was already writing how my made my laptop giggle. And guess what else it's going to love. See, I am spelling laptop right, but was worried it had to be spelled with a B where the P is. And I even found another spelling mistake. But guess who doesn't have any more spelling mistakes in their journal/post/blog. Now grammar errors and nature of writing is still all me, but there has to be something that is me. And I can still smile that no spell-check can help with there vs. their vs. they're. But...spell check is nice.
I am still giggling. :). Life seems nice when it's fresh and stupid.
I don't know, but today seemed nice. So, pointless. So, giggly. I did have a panic attacked, but the who wouldn't with the economy. That which you fear seems to be increasingly feared.
Did I even tell you, I was once let go.
See-I am writing, freely, like my old website/journals. But seriously, I like typing on my laptop then that crappy desktop. But I have two layer desk. With the laptop, it's on the top layer, but with the desktop, it seemed easier to actually use the bottom layer. And I almost need my hands to be my level or higher.
Can I smile for no reason, because for some reason life needs to be free. I am sad...moopy. And with my laptop, it reminds me that me and sadness have a home, somewhere, but there is a home. Well, I am going to enjoy James Blunt...someday I will mable about what I want for Christmas, but while being sad, I just want it to go away and never show up........

Again?

Happy Fiscal New Year! The past is behind us, the present is today, and the future is a door. Will you flow foward through it with the pasage of time?

Poetry

Comme elle s'est assise sur le sommet de montagne, l'homme pleurerait pour elle descendre, mais elle n'obéirait pas.

Panda Bears, though not Kaloha

I want the one on the left. I know the one on the right has a big head, and looks so huggable, and is even showing off the cute nails on his left paw...I still want the one on the left:).


Here is another picture, and reminds me of my kaus:).

Reminds of an old moopy saying 'if you have a cow (or kau) on your back, you can't move.'

Memory

I can’t remember the way you smell,
I can’t even remember your name,
I can’t remember the way you made me smile,
But I will never forget the way you broke my heart
I remember every lie, I’ve told myself, each to believe yours

High heals and martini part II-book.

"
Love you, hate you
Either would be selfish
We are a no-named idea
supposed to be lost & never to be
So, both ways i was selfish.
I knew your heart & torn it apart
The idea of us wasn't real enough.
=============================
I'd say I've loved you
but that would be selfish
I broke your heart
& that I know.
We were meant to be separate
Two different wholes.
You there
& me here
I could be sad
but that would admit the truth
We were a we
& I didn't want that
I was weak, I was selfish
& I want to say 'I love you, too.'
"

High Heals and Martinis: Weddings

"Against all better judgement, I will love you back."

Lovers

Give me a thousands lifetimes, and I'd trade them all for one with you.

Desires

So, I want a guitar. Though, I want to first strum (or something) to it first to see if me and it agree. If I can't make a note with no training, what will training do, organized non-notes. He-he. Either way, I want a guitar.
I also want to write a book. Like Lucas Scott. It looked pretty, and I am kind of jealous. My idea of book writing is those with a stick up their butt who majored in only English Literature. Me, I fail English. Almost as bad as Ralph Wiggum, but only if you include spelling. He-he (don't you love spell check). But it was a full hard cover book. I have an idea for a book dedication, but I'll do that as a different post.
ps: love my cows:)

Cows

Kissum Kua and Kua:)

Not included is Kaloha, the Panda Bear. Kaloha was her personal name given by me.

If you want to understand her purpose visit here: http://www.kaykafepresskit.org/index.htm

But I will get you a picture of her.

High Heals and Martinis: Sci-Fi

If you could do it all again with what you know now, would you do it right. Or eventually find true love.

Back Posting...

Just added a post to January, since it was orginally created then...

Finance-Loan Sharks or Banks

Lets talk finance.
So, there's a bank that collapsing. People pulling their money, the government salvaging their butts, and people complaining about losing money.
Guess what: you shouldn't have put you money into a stock with toxic actions. Yes, you may make money, but there is a chance for you to lose it all. It like investing in your little brothers porn shop. It could be good, but he may be a crappy business man and seriously unless related (though even if related), has no responsibility to pay you back. He doesn't make money, you don't. You didn't give you money with promises of money back, well maybe promises, but not real promises. It wasn't a loan, it was an invest with for an idea. So, don't complain. It's like the crash of the Internet stock. People, it wasn't worth crap and neither are these banks. Well, they should have been, but their stock sheets should have shown they were playing with risky money.
And Banks: you're dumb. People are dumb. Everyone wants more then they can handle money wise, and allowing them to get more money, with even less down is stupid. That is for the mob, who can beat the crap out of that scum. You can't. You have to take the dumb-ars loss. Why should the government allow you to keep giving money to people who really don't need it.
Back to People: This housing thing. Seriously, do you need a six bedroom mansion you can't afford. See, we know you didn't need that hot-tub, even if it is six dollars a day. So, why do you need a mansion. My madness goes back to the ABC/NBC/FOX news presentation about this women who wants to buy a 2nd house, and gets denied the loan for the property. Now, who in this time needs a 2nd house. If you need a loan for a 2nd house, don't get it. Don't keep up with the Jones. Seriously, she isn't living in that 2nd house, and she'll be more likely to defaults on that loans, who gets the house-the bank. And what doesn't the bank need, another pointless house. Seriously, half of the banks assets are houses, and what is happening to that assets-going down, b/c like the Internet, houses were way over worth, and at some point so is the stock market. It's like in 2000 and the Internet, people keep putting money into something, and expecting more money to pop out of thing air. Nobody want the put a dollar in and get 4 quarters. They want 5 or even 10 quarters, and seriously, this was a change machine, so at some point, it was going to run out of change and still be short the needed dollars.
Maybe I want the government to say, scrue you, lets get ready for a depression. Or at worse a recession. We are dumb, dumb people, and have not grow up an inch since the last depression. See, people from the depression are dead, and anyone who remembers it, really doesn't remember much. And all we expect is good times, good money, and an open head for everything. Personally, I don't want a depression, I want another raise. But what am I going to expect until the damn economy and people understand how to act intelligently. Seriously, do banks need auditors to watch how freely they give money or credit. Tell me, who hasn't gotten junk mail for a free credit card from a well respect bank. Should it be defined as a well respect bank if it gives out free money to any random person. We have really gone wrong when the banks are the loan sharks. People, please stop investing in these loan sharks, unless they can get away with murder, or a good smack to the knee:).

TV Shows

CROSSOVER
"'My only regret is... that I have... boneitis.'-futurama"
Oddly, crossover is a combination of Bones and House, and only has the reference in the end to Futurama-but all 3 owned by Fox.
THE GAME
"I play to stalemate"
Also, another for House, but the actual disease is still fuzzy. Though, it is still a quote that inspires Dr. House to understand the full disease, which does not aim to have a defined loser, but still aims for losers all around.
"It was unable to be performed for the public, with the only audience to ever see this dance dying, until now."
No story, just an opening to a dance i invented. The movement resembles a person who is creating and controlling fire at will, and more or less killing the audience by the destruction. But does create such pounding dance movement, almost powerful. It is for 2 people, b/c I would like to be one of the persons, but can i do a back flip...um no. But the idea is for 'so you think you can dance', and most of their dance have an idea behind it. So, this is my idea...

Family Guy

"Mayor Chapstick: Oh, God. I love this song. And I love it when amateurs sing the lyrics. But I hate baseball cards."

MisHeard-Again

Will Roman Catholic Choirs sing for me?
:(, sadness, it is Roman Cavalry:(.
There was another song but i can't remember it. Something about Love, i thought it was suppose to be 'nobody wants to be lonly', but it was like 'nobody wants to be in love'. I thought it was the up song, that was uppy, but it was downy. Doesn't make sense, does it?

09/06/08

So here I go again.
We are trying to forget the stupid thoughts of the year, and be fresh for new the world.
I hear the darkness crying out loud. I want...to find, something. I hear you, while not listening to a word you say. We are running, to no where. I am reaching to keep up. Time is running faster than me, and I know I am not keeping up. I want to trip and hope it will stop for me, but it won't. I just have to keep going...forward.
I want to write, like maybe lyrics. Or do something creative. I have a creative beat, but I can't release it.
Kiszum kau est shvarts et viz.
Either way, Ich Liebe Dich:).

Debating Drinking

So, the question of life at the moment is the change of legal drinking age in El old US of A. And there is a many things to complain about, and note about.
First, 18 is very wrong. Mostly because it will be too close and dip it's toes to high school. Who wants high school seniors with that much power. So, most people will be Freshman of college, but not everyone. To example: me was 18 in HS senior, and me in El old UK was old enough to buy El wonderful alcohol. I had the power, and it was a small party, but think of that power in El old US of A. The same problem you are looking at for college students may become high school problems.
Second, it might be good, but with precautions. The cops are running around busting people for drinking, now they can busting them for binge drinking or doing something else stupid. The concept is that they will be drinking, and we need college to be ready for it and even responsible for it. So, it will need a lot of thought put in, and major warning. If you are afraid to get caught by the cops, you are extra careful in your actions but without that threat you might become stupid, and careless. This lowering of the age will open much doors but with there will be responsibility, and I am hoping someone will take them.
PS: I *ish it would rain down on me but you'll be in my heart for another day in paradise because I can't stop loving you.

High Heals and Martinis part 2

There is some stories that refuse to be told. All the parties involved here have been hurt and are not without scars. But in time, all stories will be told, and the least I could do is write with a better memory of something real. Some say it was suppose to end with the death of our character, but life will never be stable enough to be stopped, and in the future, with chances of doing something different, the impossible stupidty did happen.

This is not really happening

(Or is it?)
You bet your life it is.
So, enough of quoting the Cornflake Girls, now for 'Bells for Her'.
It pulls me back in time to things that can't be explained.
Ever read anything by Steven King that wasn't made into movie. Yeah, there is good shit out there, really good. His greatest story that is known, (and no, not Carrie), but the Dark Towers. Now, if you've read that book, especial to the one where it starts with the Train asking riddles, well, then you must listen to 'Bells for Her' by Tori Amos, and ask yourself, wow...are they two different pieces of work. 'can't stop, can't stop', 'though the portal, they can make amends'. The train moving down the tracks, refusing to stop for His characters, they keep jumping through portals, and that guy pissing people off. (Hey, you think this is crazy, listen to "So Vain" and think about Bond-007. Well, it can makes sense.)
But back to Mr. King. So, the other good story of his is the 'Eye of the Dragon'. It's a good book.
Well, I'm distracted again, but Kudos to you Mr. Steven King. Sorry I never made it to the tower's end, but I peeked at the end and possible neither did you.

Hey, my iTunes have made it all the way to Live, and their Throwing Cooper. Again, another book lock-into a cd. Well, this one was from little pre-high school (ie 8th grade). So, it was a book about a dog, and doing something, maybe dying in the snow. The other was about Bunnies, making homes out of the dead bunnies bones. Um...what strange reading for me. Well, it had cursing. 'Shit Town', and the Bitch, or I mean 'Waitress' who need tips. They were a good band.

Enemies and War

A thousands men waiting at her door, waiting for the answer. A question of why, and will you work with me. We expect a no, but hope for a yes. They will be ready, no matter the issue. A thousand kings, with a thousand horses, pounding their hooves and standing posed for the next move. What will it be? A call to move forward; or a hold for more truth? A call to release the gates, and let the dogs run to attack? A thousand gods, with a thousand spikes, will not back down.

Evening

So, it is Wednesday night, and making plans for my TV and me to watch American Idol. So, who will win. Sorry, David, you are losing...he-he.
Seriously, poor Cooky is cooked. But seriously, you will have a career no matter what, and poor Archy is a duck in burning water. Poor Simon, dealing with the father who's been kick off the set. So, who's going for a divorce from parents way. But that is yesterday's news.
So, I have my love affair with TV fixed. Me, w/o Tivo, watch Gossip Girl (with an ending from Bones, which did cost me knowing what Chuck's father said to him), and then watched House (and still don't know who Lucas picked). But that is life w/o Tivo.
So, I was thinking of doing a what do I want to do post. I'm on face-book. OK, but one thing it advertises you to do is create a 'what do I want to become' thing. It's like one idea of something like: lose weight, go to Paris, win the lotto. But I don't have one idea, I have many. Most of which won't happen. I am getting farther and farther from being a blood donor. My place is still too small for a cat. I still can't sing, and keep forgetting to enter in on of Idol's contest. Or 'Think you can dance', even though, it is just me thinking I can dance and I can't. The only thing left is a honeymoon at Disney Land (or World, which ever is in Florida). But that cat thing is still a cute idea. Or the violin (same issue as cat-involving cost). See, which could I pick and not deny my desires for others. There is even the idea of creating and writing the perfect book, TV show or movie...though, they're in my head, just not out of my head yet. Oh, so that's how it works, get stuff out of my head, not me...he-he.
Moo Love:).
Hope life treats you kind, and you accomplish the Lord's missions, oh lovely Cook.

Alternative Beginning to Biography

"It seems odd for a biography to be in the fiction sections, but they all seem false (pale) when compared to him. But he is a later chapter..."

TV stinks as ussual

So, I can't watch TV again. It doesn't want to make me happy. In a sense, I am starving. I have Ventures Brothers, and my boyfriend is shoving it down my throat thinking I like it. I do, but then again, it's too little. See, I'm hungry for TV, a good show, bleeding on my carpet, full of emotions. But there are commercials telling my soul will be separated between things I like and I am left unhappy. See, Fox and CW have gone gay. Everything I like, and I mean everything, is on Monday. I was once kind of excited for Monday, cause that was Gossip Girl, with a little sad, because Tuesday was split between House/Bones and One Tree Hill. But One Tree Hill had the same show on Wednesday, so I could wait. Then, One Tree went Monday, w/ GG and that work. I think some where there was that new show New Amsterdam, which was only against re-run of Gossip Girl. But then House and Bones moved there, b/c of American Idol. And the TV on CW is no longer re-runs, and so, now Monday is just a sad pile of junk, because everyone is going, 'yeah new episodes'. But all on the same time. I have no recorder, because I have built in recorder. So, I either watch one or the other. I choose GG last Monday, and caught the end of Bones. GG wasn't the best, but then Bones ending may have been a good show. But I am madder at Fox, because CW put themselves on Monday first. So I just want to hate them all, sit on my couch and say, scrue you all. I AM HUNGRY FOR GOOD TV AND YOU ALL SUCK!!!!!!
PS: "Dr. Orpheus: Greetings pumpkin, I am at Mr. Ventures lab to right that which is wrong and repair the torn curtain of time itself! There are four puddings in the fridge. You may enjoy the contents of one of them. Dinner at six."

Coffee Pots, Kettles and 1973

James Blunt, and crampy based flash backs remind me of so much, and almost makes me laugh. You know, it wasn't really just about the coffee-pot, actually it was nothing about coffee-pots. Maybe that was just a waste for a stupid side story. It was mostly just selfish, snotty, jealousy of people self shopping for the best darn clothing I can't purchase. Now, would only be a memory, like 1973, of Smoopys that should last forever. But, then again, is it not created that it is now only a memory.
Well, either way, can't sleep; can't love, nor hate; can't stop being jealous, with a stupid sigh in my soul. It was suppose to be a storyless, idea of a dream, where I was a step more perfect, and maybe danced with a beauty lost when you tried to with a star. Do those stupid stars even understand what it means to dance, with love and with feeling?
So, rumor asks, where is the kettle?

Someone Gives Forward

Help those who will become healthy,
Help those who will be kept alive for tomorrow,
Help those who will be made richer in spirit.
http://www.americanidol.com/idolgivesback/

Anniversaries

We know you miss Kurky, but if you look, we all miss the Pretender too.

What If...

What if, the words you say to me, kill me.
What if I said I love you, to anyone, would they hear or understand my words?
What if it is only shouts of wild woman in my head screaming for the world to start falling.
What if the sentence I started only ends the same.
What if I miss you, but you know I don't, can't, won't.
What if I only miss an idea of something that never was.
What if it was only a coffee pot and peanut butter ice cream?
What if I don't care either way, but truly I do not care.
You, I can't care, I won't care, they say I shouldn't care, but I....
I lie, I shout, I don't know what I mean.
I want something beautiful, and I ended up on you.
What if I smile and they know?
What if i frown, and they know more?
It was once a lie, turning against...just a story.
What if it more than just a story, history, repeating and setting it self up to repeat again, and again, until this circle only destroys us?
The memories of lies scream in my head, and I cry hoping they don't hear and judge.
What if I say sorry, to someone who knows no story, and it doesn't matter, yesterday is only tomorrow and far away.
What if I remember more than I say, but it's all lies, please tell me it's all lies. I don't want my story to end and start w/ you. You shouldn't, you can't be, I will not allow you to be.

High Heals and Martinis

"Their eyes meet w/ an apology on his lips as the world goes black. He is alone again."

Coat

I go moo...meow?

Tomorrow, or is it yesterday?

We were once so great. We could fly in the sky, and chase the clouds away.
We were once so wonderful, we could fail at nothing.
We were once as high as a kite, flying left and right, we were right together, we were great together. We hide from the pain, and ran far away. We weren't afraid, even when the hammer was two feet away, we would dance in the sky, and we were once so happy, the couldn't even compare us to the normals, to anything worth the best.
But what happened, why are we dying at the feet of fools we once laughed at. They aren't worth my tears, they weren't even once worth my laughs, but time goes slowly now. I sit here hoping for it to end, to stop the screaming.
I can't fight anymore, I can't hit back, my black eye shouts nothing in the faces of their fists.
I am screaming at top decimals. I shouts at the top of lunges. I yell 'stop'. But the carousel just goes fasting. This game they started, only make me fall on my arse. I try to fight, but then again...i am too weak. My soul is dying out. I have no feeling left. I try to shout and no words can I hear. I try to run away, but i can't even crawl. I try...but I have no will left to lift my hand up. I cry, but I have not of drop left in me.
I hate the world today. I hate everyone today. I hate those who do not hide in the covers of their hells.
I...I...I've felt a burning. I...I...Me...We were once...we never will be...can it...will it???...won't it...I fight...you.